I want to do so much, I just don't know how to get there.
We've all got problems and secrets..
I tell mine here. Let's keep it the same.
Something I forgot to add the other day. I don’t know really why I forgot about it, other than I was trying to forget about it, therefore i did.
Okay, tiny bit of background story.
I have a world literature class and I had to write a paper over themes of the book A day in the life of Ivan Desonvich and the short story The Long Sheet; (more specifically how you can find freedom through work). I poured my heart and soul into this paper. I spent 5 hours writing this three and a half page paper. I re-read the Ivan Desonvich book and the Long Sheet to get all the direct examples, page numbers, and quotes. Think I did good right? I thought so too.
I get my paper back and i got a D. What the fuck. So I failed the paper, and after class I went in to talk to the teacher about my paper to see why I missed so many points. She tells me that it was because I didn’t structure my paper correctly. I used APA style instead of MLA style. Minus a few grammatical errors everything else was just fine.
I began to get extremely pissed off. I wanted to get out of there asap so i was nodding and holding back some tears. Yeah, I was holding back tears, so what? I take my education seriously. Anyways. Then out of nowhere as I was trying to leave my teacher asks me if i was okay. I answer as i try to stand up: yes, that i was just sick, (I had just got done with a coughing fit so i assumed that’s what she meant). She then said, “No, I mean in life, are you okay?” that through me off guard. That and the fact that she sort of grabbed my arm to “console” me.
I had lost it by then. I just started crying. I couldn’t stop. I have never had someone actually ask me that. She then went on. “I mean, is there something in your life that’s going on right now? Have you not been getting sleep? I’ve noticed you sometimes seem distant and spacey during class…Obviously there is something wrong…” (Referring to my crying) “I mean, are you talking to someone about it? Do I need to get some information about people to talk to?” Etc Etc. The whole time I’m saying while trying not to completely lose it, “No it’s okay. I appriecate the offer, but I’m okay. I have to go.”
Then she kept saying, “No please don’t run away. I didn’t mean to upset you. It’s just that I’ve noticed these things and that I’m worried about you.” as I walked out the door sticking my earbuds in my ears with my head down to keep people from noticing the water coming from my red eyes.
It’s one of those things you see in a movie or on reality television. I don’t even know what to do.